Fear and Groaning in North London
As the father of a six year old I seem to spend a large amount of my time trying to reassure my son that there is nothing to be afraid of.
Sometimes this reassurance is required in prosaic, domestic scenarios. Like when there is a bang in the house in the middle of the night.
Sometimes, this need arises in more substantial and important scenarios. In developmental moments. When my wife or I are trying to encourage him to try something new. Like when we’re teaching him to ride his bike, or when we’ve taken him to do a new activity for the first time. You can see the fear and anxiety building in him. And you know, as a parent, that if you can just convince him to take that first step on his own (or turn a pedal …) free from your support, then he’s likely to gain the confidence he needs to not just enjoy himself but potentially to excel.
Recently we’d taken him to a local climbing centre. The first trip was a disaster. Frustrated by his lack of strength, but also a lack of confidence, he first became angry and then upset.
A second trip, a month or so later, saw him scaling walls quickly and proficiently. This small win saw his confidence rise almost exponentially. “That was amazing, Dad” he will say, flush with a cocktail of endorphins and personal accomplishment. And now you can’t stop him.
Hypothesis: To be a parent is to engage in near-constant, weapons grade, industrial strength hypocrisy….
….Go to bed early. Get some sleep. Eat your greens.Don’t talk with your mouth full. Brush your hair. Do your homework. Save money. Don’t be mean. Don’t swear. Calm down. Use your words. Read more. Take your time. Get your head out of that screen…..
Don’t be afraid.
As we approach the end of the year, I’ve had cause to reflect on the last 12 months. Overwhelmingly, I’ve realised just how big a feature fear is in certain aspects of my life. Where my writing and this blog is concerned, I often worry about whether or not I should actively publish and gain feedback on my ideas for fear of being told the work is no good. In my work, I’ll moderate my views, or resist calling bullshit on things I actively disagree with. At home, where I will end up worrying about things before they’ve even happened, creating an emotional handbrake and inducing analysis paralysis, defaulting to the sensible option.
I’m not a big one for resolutions. It’s clear that there is enough out there - the economy, wars, the environment - that is a legitimate cause for concern. But this time next year I don’t want to feel the same: That fear - of being wrong, of being shit, of making mistakes - has been a barrier. That perhaps, when next faced with a situation where my own fear is a factor, I’m able to take some of my own advice and take that first step off the ledge. Who knows what opportunity might present itself as a result.
If you’ve made it this far, then thank you. See you in 2024.
